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Breaking out from the cage.

I would like to talk about depression.My depression.This wont be a sob story.I wish to tell people how my life changed better.

I suffered from depression 14 years.I didnt tell anyone about it.I felt like i would just bother other people.I felt like i would just cause problems for everyone.But in truth i only caused problems for myself.Problems that im only now taking care of.These 14 years i suffered from depression i had some disturbing thoughts.I felt like i was alone.Trapped in a cold,dark world i had created myself inside my head.It felt like there was no way out.And even if there was,at the time i wouldnt have taken that way out.I felt so alone.I had friends.I had a family.Yet still...i felt so alone and lost.Being depressed makes your motivation slip away.Motivation to get to know your family.To get to know your friends.I know nothing of the few friends that for some weird reason decided to stick with me.It makes me feel horrible.I have been neglecting my family and my friends.My family is there yet they are complete strangers to me.And to add something to this i do not know a single thing about myself.The 14 years i really wasnt living at all.I was an empty shell of a man.The 14 years i spent in that closed off,dark,twisted,cold world...I guess you could say i grew up a bit twisted.As i felt alone i imagined my depression as a wolf.A wolf who has been following me around ever since i can remember.A tiny wolf,growing bigger and stronger by each passing second.Growing so big and strong i couldnt handle the wolf anymore.I sort of develop some sort of bond with this wolf.I hated yet loved the wolf.It was a bond i needed to break.Yet i couldnt.No matter what i couldnt let go of the wolf.I started to feel like the wolf was the only thing i had.I knew i wasnt alone.But it was hard to grasp.Until i was so far gone i was at the edge.I thought theres no coming back from this.So i decided to look up an chat room.I always thought they were dumb.But hey why the fuck not?Its not like anything bad will happen.No,the total opposite of that happened.I talked to a certain individual on the chat room.Turns out his depression was worse.I started to think "just what the hell am i doing?I can get help.Why arent i getting help?".The conversation i had with that glorious bastard made me take the first step to recovery.And im already feeling a little bit better.Life doesnt seem so cold and gray anymore.Im still inside my little world.Yet i see a glimmer of light.A guiding beacon.Something im running towards to with all my might.i just hope i can get through this and join the otherside of my world.The side that isnt so cold.The side thats buzzing with life.And maybe just maybe i may reach that side.But only time will tell.

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