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Don't Know What to Feel Anymore

I was ttold that relationships are the driving force behind a strong person. But lately noy having anyone in my corner I just feel so alone. How is it that I can do for every one else but when its time for me to call on them I can't get the time of day? I don't know how to really feel happy when no one is there to really just tell me the truth. I am surrounded by people that takes advantage of me and because of me loving them I just let them walk all over me. Have you ever felt the pain of the reality that even the person closest tl you lies and cheats you out of trust and love and optimism so much that its hard to let go of them even when the signs is punching you in the face?

My relationship lately has been the reason of my unexplained tears and feelings of loss and inadequacy. If I ain't that important to you then why tell me what I feel is false feelings? No one takes into consideration that my anxiety and depression is the reason why I am as guarded as I am. I feel opening myself up now is just opening myself up for pain in the long run and I rather just not feel these feelings that I feel right now. How can I properly explain to my loved ones how I feel and think about things without there being any severity of consequences afterwards? Right now I really am in a dark place and I can't seem to find the light switch. Mentally I am confused. Emotionally I can't deal with the feelings of grief and hopelessness any longer. When will I find that light switch that canturn all this darkness away from my mind and heart? I hate that I am this way but when I am seeing people push me to the side when I would give my very last to them and I can't get any help when I really need it the most? I am tired of being mistreated and unappreciated by those who claim they're all for me. I don't know ehat to do and right now I really need some type of guidance that can help steer me in the right direction.

Pain is said to be a state of mind, but how csn I erase it and turn it in ti progress? I feel thst now I am at a crossroad in my mental state of being and I am staring down the many roads ahead of me. I have been there for a long time now and now I can't find a more permanent rhythm that can keep me from being in this slump a lot longer than what I have already been in. So many unanswered questions and no one there to answer them. At a later point, I will have to make a decision and I want to think rational and clearly again so I can choose the right path for me.

Maybe I have to wait but I really don't know what to do in the meantime. Someone I need advice.

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