Well I feel no better today then I felt yesterday. Going to my mentors yesterday made me feel better, but only for a short time. I was up all night waking up every 5-10 minutes ether from pain or my body shaking. I hate being a girl. Usually this only happens the first day, but no its the second and I still feel like this and prom is on saturday. I still don't know if I am going to be able to get a therapist to talk to, but I know I have too because this is making me ten times worse. I feel like I am stuck in this body unable to dictate where it goes or what it does. Well I better get back to class I could really use a helping hand or even a simple reply to one of these posts so please someone comment or message me.

I have just recently returned from my spring break and have celebrated my 18th birthday even though I fear getting any older. I have been a little better, but I am getting low again my thoughts turning dark. One of my other friends resorted to things that sent her to the hospital where they diagnosed her with social anxiety and she is being pulled out of school and being homebound. I have been thinking about it all day wondering if my depression and social anxiety can get me out of the school scene as well. I am not trying to be lazy or anything I just am to stressed by school and it only pushes me closer the ledge. The only problem is I will have to find a therapist and psychologist and get an appontment because my dad still does not want to admit I have a problem. He thinks I can fix myself and it is all my fault for thinking and acting this way or that I am doing it for attention. I don't know if I am, but I do not feel I am because I am growing closer and closer to the ledge. Well I have to go back to school, maybe the prom this weekend will make me feel better.

Well yesterday ended up being a great day for me, but it was soured quickly when my dad got home. As soon as he got home he started to be an @ss like he always is. He ruined my whole day in a matter of a minute. Luckily I am going to go do some volunteer work tonight. I hope it will make me feel better working with the dogs.

Well it has been a while sense I have been on here it is not because I have gotten any better it seems to be getting worse. I am at my wits end with all that is going on around me. Sometimes its like the world is speeding by without me. Like everyone is stuck in fastforward or maybe I'm just moving in slow motion. I don't really know anymore. I have finally reached the breaking point and told my dad. At first all he did was act like a never said it. He was in denial. How could such a perfect man have such a fucked up daughter. Though a few days later I finally got it through his thick scull that I was messed up and needed help. He siad he got me an appointment with a therapist, but it has been a month sense then and I have yet to see an appointment slip. He won't even tell me who I am going to see. Sometimes I wonder if he even pays attention to me anymore. Every weekend he makes bacon and eggs and every weekend I tell him I hate eggs. I don't know if he does it on perpose or if he is really that stupid. Well I have to go take a test for AP Psychology those invisible people reading this wish me luck.

Well this is the first day of my official blog. I just got to school and I am already freaked out. This week is mid-terms and today is the music one so I have to sing infront of the whole class. I am really nervious. Wish me luck I have to go know will post more later.