Turn off the Sun;

Turn off the sun; my life still will shine from deep within
Dress me in black; watch me glowing like I have never been
From darkness I was born, yet rebelled with white skin
Demolish me in dimness, but even then I can potentially win

Beat me not, for darkness is my shield that cannot betray
What would a dying sun do, when I'm united to what's gray
Luminance frightens concealed secrets, which I suppress
and my misery fears the revelation of its hidden duskiness
for I mourn, I revive within my own mystery - nonetheless
I breathe the pain of my lonesomeness, which I repress

Luminance frightens concealed secrets, which I suppress
and my misery fears the revelation of its hidden duskiness
for I mourn, I revive within my own mystery - nonetheless
I breathe the pain of my lonesomeness, which I repress

Turn off the sun, watch how light will beam from my heart
for darkness is a part of me, and from darkness I am a part
Like stars endlessly glow, yet can only be glimpsed at night
I too can shine through dimness, for I candidly despise light

 

 

Sitting in: A soft, leather chair in my bedroom Listening to: Love Like Winter by AFI (A Fire Inside) Time written: 7:39 p.m. central Feeling: Empty/Lost/Pathetic/Angry/Alone Have you ever felt like just curling up into a corner somewhere and just dying? I feel like I’m nothing. I’m so lost right now. I cry and I cut myself. I cry and cut, cry and cut. And why should I do this? It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t make anything better. I feel like screaming until I have no voice left. So little makes me feel even the tiniest bit of happiness. I find myself usually escaping with a book or a movie. I have one person in my life that makes me feel partly human and she brings me back down to reality. But now it feels like we’re drifting apart. I don’t know how to deal with this. I just don’t know. I feel like I’m going insane. Without her, I’m going to break. So many things are racing in my head as I write this. What about the future? Where will I be? What about tomorrow? Will I ever be happy again? Will I end up killing myself or doing something else stupid? Do I matter? Why is this happening? Why do I have to feel this way? Why is everything so complicated? WHY? I need someone to talk to.