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I just want the pain to stop!

Do you wake up everyday trying to find joy in your day? I do... I have a beautiful family and supportive husband, and I am still depressed. My head hurts from day to day. My body aches. I try to think positive thoughts, but the negative ones seem to overrule me. I constantly worry, did I do this right?, Is my husband mad at me because he is acting differently, I feel the pressures of trying to raise 4 children. They are good kids but I feel I ama horrible mother and that this family is better off without me. I feel that nothing I do is right. I had tried to committ suicide many years ago, and I thought that I would never do that again. Yet, I find thoughts, slowly creeping back into my mind. I just want to pain to stop. ?I want to stop hurting people and I want to stop hurting. I am trying to stay strong and keep my faith in God, however that is a struggle too. I just want the pain to stop!

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