First i have to start at the begining,

On my birthday Sept2010,my wife told me that she is pregnant,witch at first ,i got to admit wasn't what i accpected to hear but as the months went by i got very axited about the idea.

I for one don't remember any dates(at all).But MAY 20th is inprinted in my mind as it happend yesterday.I got up early that morning to go to work so i can get done with my chores(im a farmer),thank God i did.For some reason our dog Molly didnt go to work with me just haning around my wife all the time ,bud anyway,i got home .Just sat down to take my dirty boots off and then it happend.The first thing that went was her speeach,iwas still in a panic when her right arm suddenly fell down(she was pointing to her face at the time)i loaded her in the pickup and rushed her to hopital.All this while my beautifull wife is 24 weeks pregnant .Sitting in tha waiting room just killed me then the diagnosis a big brain hemirage ,the size off a golf ball,I mean this shit only happens in movies .

We got airlifted to AVERA MCKENNAN .Where they got a better diagnosis,a.v.m.THEN and this is whats keeping me awake at night i had to choose between my wife and baby girl.SO i choose my wife,the doctor said they would try to keep her pregnant and get the  little one save throught it all,but we had a 70 percent chance of losing one or the other!!

Both survived the surgery ,and they kept my baby girl healthy.Bud here is the kicker boys and girls!As she was recovering after major brain surgery,she picked up some nasty bacterial infection ,i swear my hart sunk so low .O shit this is it another annurism.I'm fucking losing her again,my baby girl was born that night at 27 weeks

Then the long road to recovery was realy hard and long and i take my hat off for my wife she fought through all this shit and have aways to go but keeping strong.About 8 months into the recovery she starting having seizure and i thought i was losing her again ,how much can a guy take I am so tired but cant sleep,I have to check on them every our to see if theyre still o.kWhats really pissing me off is that no one nows why im losing it ,why i have the anxiety.why i am depressed.I dont know bud its realy hard i think something broke in my head and i cant fix it .Help ,i cant talk to my wife she will think its all her fault and blame herself.

I know i got alot to be thankfull,but cant seem t get myself out of this hole .Doctor think i hav e like a bipolar disorder or something,o,and i got such a bad ulcer from all this i cant eat ,i lost about 30 pounds and couting