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Feeling so much better

I have posted on here a few times before, and it has been a source of comfort. To know that I am not alone in this darkness. So I want to pass on what has been happening to me within the last week. I am way to affraid to go on any meds, so I have been trying to find a natural supplement to maybe take the edge off. An old friend I haven't seen for awhile suggested to try 5-htp. So before trying it I did alot of research on it and found there was little to no side affects, so I decided to try it. Well I have been on it now for 2 weeks and omg...the results are without doubt noticable. I feel much more calm and my anxiety has all but stopped. Those around me have noticed that appear more upbeat and I really do feel better....Am I cured? No but if it continues to work and I continue to feel this way....then I can live with it.....I just wanted to pass this on to all who live in darkness, I can't say how it would work for you but for me the results have been very promising.

Just something I wanted to pass on to you and as always I wish all of you light in your place of darkness.

Another day

Another day, another blog entry. It's Tuesday, feeling ok but this really is a day to day struggle.  You try to be thankful for what you have and to think of those who have it so much worse than you trying to put it into perspective but it doesn't always work. To wake up everyday wondering how bad will I feel today? I hate this but feel powerless to change it, I feel like I'm existing not living. But I will carry on hoping tomorrow will be a bit better...

Plugging along

Well it's Sunday afternoon and the start of a new week seems to be more than I want to handle....the thing people think is that you are doing this to yourself, like why not just stop feeling depressed. Trust me if I could stop and just be happy I would, good lord, I would...there are days where I feel kinda ok.....then something negative would happen and "boom" right back where I was, life is hard enough add in depression and it can be near impossible....

Is there life out there?

This is the first time I have ever written a blog. So I will try to make it short and to the point, in hopes that someone out there will give me some direction or that maybe someone else will know they are not alone.

I have had many tragic events occur in my life within the last several years, I have lost both parents and my brother to cancer . I feel very alone, I have no family left and no children of my own. I use to have a large circle of friends but as time went on I pushed many of them away. They had no idea what I was going through, and I kept hearing the words, "life goes on" and "you need to get over it". They have no idea what real loss is, all those around me still have their families intact. I have a real issue in trusting people and because of this I isolate. This does not help with depression, it's like a catch 22. So I spend most of my time alone, and intreverted. There are days I can't even get out of bed, sleep has become my only escape. My doctor wants me to go on meds but I have heard so many horror stories about them and the fact that most have a side affect of suicidal thoughts...Ya, already have those thoughts from time to time, I really don't need that to be emphasize at this point. So I sit alone as I watch life pass me by....my life wasn't always like this....My fear is that it will remain this way......Is there anyone out there who knows this pain?

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