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Bad days

Wannnnt to cut, want to cut, want to cut.

Haven't in years, want to want to want to. Can't stop thinking about it. I close my eyes and all I see if the cuts in my arm I want to make.

And it's ridiculous! Why? I don't hate myself worse than usual, I've not been abused or hurt in some way lately. Life is stressful but life is always stressful and I'm depressed but I'm mostly depressed, and I shouldn't be anyway because I have everything I've wanted and worked for the last 6 yrs. Argh.


I just want to cut.


Would it really be so bad if I did? Maybe then I can move on and stop thinking about it and it would be over with. I won't have to claw my arms to death, scour my skin off... just so I don't cut. It's gotta be easier.


The -only- thing holding me back is not wanting to hurt my bf. But I wonder if I don't hurt him more by being unable to function while this eats at me.


Argh. Really want to cut.

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